Would you keep reading if I told you I could solve ALL your trust issues?
Do you truly trust your spouse? Do you truly trust your brother? Do you truly trust anyone in your life?
Have you ever read through your husband or wives phone while they were in the shower or asleep? Have you cleaned out their car so you can see if they were hiding anything? Have you hacked their email?
I’m here to say that we have all done one or the other, or all of the above to someone. Many people have gone as far as to hire people to watch someone.
Five years into my marriage I learned a valuable secret that I wish I had walked into marriage with. To explain this secret, I need to walk you through my families dynamic growing up.
We were raised on trust. Everything thing we did was backed or lead with trust. We were given many privileges out of trust and kept them out of trust. There are not many 16-year-olds that can say they stayed out until 1 or 2 in the morning with their parent’s approval, no need for permission. I didn’t really grow up with a curfew, I didn’t need one. I communicated and kept my parents trust. They reward that trust with their own trust which afforded me many opportunities that were uncommon for my age. I never had to worry about anyone’s word in my family, if we said it, we kept it. Especially to each other. We were honest and open always.
I took that understanding of how relationships should be into my marriage, but my husband wasn’t raised the same. We butted heads on many levels for quite some time. He constantly felt like he had to earn my trust and to keep it he had many hoops to jump through. Every fight we EVER got in was typically about trust. We were both learning.
After one especially difficult fight over some questionable, in my mind, moments, I finally hit my knees! The conversation went something like this…
“WHY GOD! Why can’t I trust him!!” – “BECAUSE YOU DON’T TRUST ME!” – “WHAT, of course, I do!! You are the Creator, my GOD, I believe in you and trust you with every aspect of my life! – “NO, YOU DON’T.” – “I’ve spent my life loving you, I trust you!” – “THEN WHY DON’T YOU TRUST ME WITH HIM?
I had no answer. The GOD of the Universe had called me out! In my control of the situation, I had taken my trust away from God the Father, the Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit and rested it upon the shoulders of a fallen man who was incapable of bearing such load and it was putting a lot of stress on our marriage.
My husband is as fallen and as broken as I am. He isn’t perfect, he has never tried to be. He was never meant to bear the burden of my trust. He will ultimately fail me at some point, intentionally or unintentionally. He is not GOD. He is prone to sin.
There is a verse in Psalm 19, “vs12 Who can understand his errors? Cleanse thou me from secret faults.” Even with our best intentions, we falter; we lose our temper and act emotionally, and in doing so make irrational decisions in sin we must beg forgiveness for. But, God does not fail like that. He is righteous and good, trustworthy and enduring, honesty and gracious, His mercy endures forever. His answer is not always convenient, or we may not understand, but He never fails us.
Your spouse, your friend, your father or mother, brother or sister…they are made of flesh, with a heart of flesh, and despite our best intentions, WE ALL FAIL each other, even when it is simply a mistake. Like a forgotten email, or phone call, or birthday, or deadline, or even a lie.
If you put your trust into another human, they will leave you broken and hurt. And you will leave them burdened and fretful. Take that responsibility off their shoulders, it was never theirs to bare, and put it back where it belongs…on the one who will never fail you, never leave you, always love you, always perfect Creator, Redeemer, Healer, Friend, your Heavenly Father, GOD – I promise He is strong enough to bare your full trust and will never let you down.
When you have fully surrendered your trust to the one who created you and freed the human you have rested it upon for so long, you will begin to find peace in your relationships and your life. You will be able to offer grace to those who stumble instead of hurt from pain.
God will hold your trust in the highest regard, he will not slander it or abuse it. By given humans room to fail, we take the pressure off our selves to compensate for that failure and be hurt by it. We need to take the power away from them and put it back where it belongs, where it is safe, in the hands of the one who never fails, Christ Jesus.
STOP putting your trust in another human who will ultimately fail you. Put your trust in God, the one who never fails and free yourself and that person from caring a burden neither of you was designed to bare.
I know that putting this concept into practice is harder than reading it, so…put a penny in your pocket, every time you are tempted to place the burden of trust on another human’s shoulders….pull out that penny and remember…”IN GOD WE TRUST!”